Before we jump into this, because I can imagine you're slightly curious as to why I'm admitting I've failed as a mom, I'd like to vent for a minute.
Being a mom is so freakin' hard. And it's a different type of hard. I can't fully explain it... but if I had to, it's like I've combined all of the challenging experiences I've had in my life and added a baby to it.
For example, before having a little one always on my hip (or arm, leg, face, boob, TMI? oh well), I never considered how difficult it would be to go to the bathroom on my own, get a glass of water, get in and out of the car, using the microwave, changing my clothes.. shoot, did I mention going to the bathroom already? I did? Oh well, I'm repeating myself, because getting time for myself to just pee is the hardest at the moment.
I DIGRESS.
Let's get into it.
Failure #1: I compared myself to every other mom out there
This pretty much goes without saying. But, new moms, professional moms, soon-to-be moms, don't do this. You are the best mom for your baby. No one can do what you do as well as you do it. Your baby loves you. You are both learning as you go. I continue to work on this because it's hard. It seems like every other mom out there knows what they're doing, what their baby needs, how to soothe them, how to make them sleep better, laugh harder, smile bigger, and chew their food. (YES, I'm worried I'm not teaching him how to chew his food well enough.) I just try to remind myself every day, I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN AND HE IS HAPPY.
Failure #2: I compared Atticus to every other baby out there
This one is really difficult for me to admit. Because I immediately feel judgement. Maybe not from others, but from myself. How could I possibly compare my perfect, sweet boy to other babies out there? Well, I did. I still do on occasion. It's more out of fear that I'm not doing a good enough job with teaching him or exposing him to things, but regardless, I compare his developments to others. Is he eating a variety of foods? Is he eating enough? Does he react to things the same as other babies his age do? Why does he NEED me and other babies are fine with other people? Ugh. The list goes on and on. BUT, I know he is his own person. He is developing at the perfect rate suited for him. I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN AND HE IS HAPPY.
Failure #3: I keep saying "I can't wait until he can..." and not embracing the present
It's sad. Really, truly sad, that I am always saying "oh man, I can't wait until he can stand on his own, walk, eat all different foods, say 'mama', self soothe, play with different toys, etc." IT BREAKS MY HEART. I want so badly to remember he will never be this little again. One day, he won't want me to always hold him. He won't need me the way he needs me now. But I get caught up in the future. I get caught up in having my OWN independence again, that I deprive myself of embracing and marinating in the present. If you catch yourself doing this, it isn't wrong to want things easier for ourselves. But I urge you to try and change that thinking. When your baby is up at 2 am crying to be held or fed, think to yourself, "He just needed his mama. He just wanted to be held because only I can comfort him the way he needs. This is extra time with him that others will never get to experience." I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN AND HE IS HAPPY.
Failure #4: I lost sight of who I was and believed my only identity was a "mom"
How could I possibly make time for myself? Where am I suppose to squeeze in yoga classes, girls nights, alone time when I have another human to raise? How am I suppose to see myself as the person I was before having him? How could I ever be someone who isn't a "mom?" The truth is, I am no longer meant to see myself that way. It has taken me a long time, and I still have to work on it every single day, to believe that having some space away from Atticus, is 100% OKAY. Having some time to work on that children's book I've been putting off, take a yoga class, go for a jog, spend time catching up with a friend, getting my hair done, is part of being a happy, healthy mom. And the best part, I am still ME aside from being Atticus's mom, and doing these things reminds me of that. Find time for yourself. TRUST ME, I know it's nearly impossible sometimes. But do what you can. Find just a SMALL bit of time to yourself. Your sanity and baby will thank you...well, maybe not your baby, but your sanity sure will. I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN AND HE IS HAPPY.
Failure #5: I believed that I my body had to "bounce back"
OOF. Get ready, this will be long. This one is frustrating. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "Oh, don't even worry! Your body will be back to where it was in no time!" or "It'll fall off you! You were so thin before!" OKAY. First off, thanks. Secondly, yeeessh, enough pressure. As someone who has had body image issues since the 3rd grade, (yes, the 3rd grade. I have vivid memories of turning down suckers from my friend's mom because "they had too many calories and sugar." Or only eating only one bowl of cereal at a sleepover because that's all my friend ate and I didn't want to look fat.) Being told I was thin before getting pregnant was like a major catch 22.
Prior to getting pregnant, I was already struggling HARD about how I looked. I hated looking in the mirror, I absolutely HATED shopping, and I hated that I felt like I HAD to workout in order to feel like people liked me. Looking back, I was in decent shape! Oh boy, I wish I had the mindset I do now back then. Jump forward to postpartum, HOLY COW. I had so much more body confidence in those first 3 months after having him than I ever did in my life. Knowing that my body created a freaking human, going through labor, and running on little to no sleep and STILL being a productive human, is nothing short of amazing. But, I also decided the first meal I wanted after having Atticus was a salad....a freaking salad, y'all.
Then, the postpartum photos commenced. I started taking "progress photos" 3 days after having him. I thought, "these will motivate me." They didn't. Yes, I lost all the baby weight pretty quickly. I was able to get back into pre-pregnancy pants about 2 weeks after. They were tight, but I was determined to SQUEEZE MY 14 DAY POSTPARTUM BODY BACK INTO JEANS BECAUSE SOMEONE TOLD ME I SHOULD BE ABLE TO. Real quick, let me repeat that, I believed so badly that because someone, some random person, said I should be able to fit back into the jeans I wore before having Atticus, I decided to squeeze, and suck in, and sit uncomfortably in said jeans because I thought it would make me worthy. Because, what, if I didn't fit in them suddenly that took away from the magic of just going through labor and giving birth? Like all of that work was for nothing? In hindsight, it makes me so sad. I know all of those comments were only meant to be compliments. They were never meant to hurt me, frustrate me, or even demean me. But, in a way, they only made me lose time with Atticus I'll never get back.
I was so focused on getting workouts in, eating right, having his schedule down perfectly so I could have time to sweat, when really my focus should have been on Atticus and his needs. So, to those who believe you need to bounce back, you don't have to. I want to be that someone to tell you that no matter what the scale says, what size pants you wear, or if you decide to eat that double double cheeseburger and donuts after going through labor, you are 100% worthy, valuable, and a freakin' rockstar.
YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST AND YOUR BABY IS HAPPY.
That just about sums up my only failures as a mom..... HA! It sums up 5. Merely F I V E failures. I've failed in some way, shape, or form every day since. But, you know what?
I'm doing the best I can and I AM HAPPY.
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