Hi friends!
Today I decided to take a small detour from the wedding planning and discuss what all the planning is actually about!
The MARRIAGE! <3
Yes. We are fully aware the whole purpose of getting married is so that you're married......for marriage. Not just to have the wedding of your dreams.
But, in the middle of all the planning, sometimes the relationship (aka your future marriage) takes a hit. It slowly starts to become all about the dress or the flowers or some other mind-consuming detail
Focus begins to fade away from the sole purpose that two incredible people are being joined together forever.
So...I wanted to take a quick second (or two) and talk about this situation that can very possibly happen. It's SO important that even while planning and making decisions, the (future) marriage is the main focus.
Regardless of venue, flower choice, or hairstyle, you will be married at the end of that beautiful day.
My dad told me something countless times whenever I would get stressed out about the wedding planning, "Kelli... you're going to be just as married as 'they' are." - referencing countless couples whose weddings I admired or gawked at while planning and ALSO referencing couples who eloped/got married in backyards, courthouses, etc.
That sentence is SO true. And though it was annoying (sorry, dad) at the time to hear it fairly consistently, it rings true. You will be "just as married as _____." - fill in your blank. And that's the point right? To be married to the person you love wholly? If that isn't the point & you're too focused on color schemes, then priorities should be reevaluated.
Plain and simple.
I'm not saying I didn't stress out about the details or plenty of other things during the planning stages of our engagement. Trust me, there was stress.
However, I knew, without a doubt in my heart, that at the end of the day, I could have ripped my dress before walking down the aisle and it wouldn't have mattered as long as I married Zach. *This did happen. I turned to walk out the door with my dad and that's when we both heard it, "riiiiiip!" My dad looked at me with concerned eyes and I said, "It's okay, whatever. Let's go!" I forgot about it as soon as I stepped outside to the aisle.
Truth of the matter is is that those details, though they may seem significant now, don't matter hardly at all in the grand scheme of things. If you don't soak in all of the love and excitement during the planning and push aside your relationship with your future husband because "planning is just too stressful" or "planning takes up all of my time", I'd take a step back and ask yourself which is more important; the wedding or your relationship?
Again, a lot of the planning matters, but the only thing that matters the most is your relationship at the end of the day.
While planning, keep a few things in mind.
1. Not every conversation should be about the wedding.
Getting married is a huge step so a lot of the conversations will revolve around the upcoming day. But, it's so important to have conversations about things other than the wedding. It shouldn't consume your lives. Having conversations about other things in life and doing plenty of non-wedding activities together reminds each other why you wanted to get married to begin with.
2. Work Hard
Now, I'm not saying I know all of the answers or that my marriage "advice" holds much weight considering we've been married for less than half a year, however our relationship didn't start when we said "I do." It started over five years ago and ever since we've been working on and for our relationship. Marriage is (quite frankly) hard. I'm sure you've heard that a million times, but it's true. I am lucky enough to admit the past five years have been incredible with (very) few issues. But, I'm not naive enough to think the rest of our lives together will be smooth sailing. It's a daily CHOICE to be happy in your marriage and it's a daily CHOICE to work on bettering your marriage. The worst thing you can do is expect the other person to do all of the work and you'll reap all the benefits.
I recently read a book called The Mingling of Souls by Matt Chandler. This was a wedding gift to me by one of my bridesmaids (thanks, Cor!) and I highly recommend it to anyone; single, engaged, or married. There was a section in the book that talked about working hard for your marriage. One of the things that really stood out to me was when there were difficult times, to work on YOURSELF and how you can be a better spouse -- not to focus on how your spouse should be different or change. Working on yourself is one heck of a lot easier than trying to change someone else. It's actually attainable and it's something you can control. And we all like to have a little control.
3. Actively date each other
Why did you want to get married? Was it because you loved the way he laughed at your (admittedly) not funny jokes? Was it because of his spontaneity? Of course these rest among plenty of other qualities, but what was it in the early days that really caught your attention? Recreate those moments and make new ones! If you're stuck in your daily routine or your "go-to" date nights just aren't cutting it anymore, check out The Dating Divas. This website has TON of free date ideas; plenty you can do at home, with friends in group dates, printables, and cheap DIY dates. I've used this website for a couple years and my husband loves when I surprise him with a date. They're cheesy and a little corny, but that's part of the fun. One of the best parts is they are constantly coming up with new dates so you will never be bored. Another idea is to create a date night jar. Spend the night talking over dinner and making a list of date ideas you'd both like to do. For example, paint night, rock climbing, an old fashioned dinner and movie, or even more steamy dates;) then put those ideas in a jar and every date night pick one out and do it! Obviously there are some dates that require some planning, so if you pick rock climbing and it's 7 o'clock on a Friday night, use your judgment and pick another but make plans to go rock climbing another date.
Get creative and pursue your future spouse. It will make your relationship stronger.
I really hope this wasn't too forward of a post. But it's something that I think a lot of people don't realize can be an issue. This is NOT meant to scare you or make you rethink anything. Just because planning your wedding may seem like your second job, that does not mean you don't want the marriage.
It's simply just an observation I've seen throughout the years that I felt needed to be addressed.
Enjoy the planning and make plenty of memories with your future husband because sometimes those memories stand out more than the actual wedding day -- it FLIES by.
XO.
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